Lisa Lou

Appeasement

2011-03-24T20:43:00.002-07:00

When you think Appeasement, many of you may associate that with Hitler, right before World War II. Well, this has nothing to do with him, or a war for that matter. Although, I have had some pretty strenuous requests from one Kari Tarbet to get me to write this post. So it's mainly for her, and to prevent a sisterly war, so to speak. Just kidding. She will not hurt me, nor I her.

Anyway, marriage is funny. You can date someone for two years and still learn something about them every day. For example, I never knew the whole time that Dominick and I were dating that he is terrible about throwing candy wrappers away! Strange. That seems like something I would have picked up on. I have to admit, this is seemingly his only flaw. I really lucked out. The things I'm still learning though are just learning to communicate, and manage our money together. We're learning how to build for our financial future as a family, and it's exciting. It's thriling to watch DIY Network (it's free this month on Dish) and look forward to home improvement projects. At the same time, it's daunting realizing that you don't have the funds or the know-how to accomplish all that you want to in the 30 minutes that it takes them on TV. If only my dreams could be realized in the 6 part mini-series broadcast on national television.

School and work are going well for both of us. Dominick is taking 4 classes this semester and still working full time at SRP. I still have my job at Prudential. Tuesday, March 29 will be my one year anniversary there! I'm so happy I made the move, and I am loving it so much. I'm also taking 2 classes this semester, one of which is called U.S. Foreign Relations. I suppose that is why I had the word "appeasement" on my mind. If you haven't read "The Ugly American" or "My Sister's Keeper" I highly recommend each of them. They are both fiction, but they definitely make you think about some pretty heavy topics.

We're getting excited for our busy summer ahead of us. My brother, Derek is getting married in June and we have a family reunion to attend in July. I'm sure it will be here before we know it!

Oh, hey. I got engaged. And now I'm married!

2010-10-07T17:37:00.004-07:00

Yeah, so I decided to sign into my blog after these many many months and see what's gone on in the world of blogging. On my dashboard page, I saw that I have 18 Followers! That's like, 8 more than I remember having! You poor, entertainment starved people you. You've pledged your loyalty to me and I've given you nothing in return! I assure you, I hope to redeem myself in the coming week. I hope to give updates on the engagement: when, where and how, and also of our beautiful wedding day. It's been magical so far, and I'm excited to let you all get a glimpse of our happiness together.

For now, here's a fun pic that my sister took outside the temple that I really like. More to come!

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!

2010-02-24T00:24:00.006-07:00

So.... yeah. I got the job. I knew I had it the whole time. NOT. I was so nervous. Yesterday I was fairly confidant, but this morning I just kept thinking, "Oh my gosh... it's Tuesday, and they haven't called yet. They said they'd let me know sometime this week, but there are only 3 days left. I bet I didn't get it." Silly me.

I start my new job with Prudential Financial in Scottsdale, AZ, on Monday, March 29th! I'm excited for the new experience, not to mention the significant increase in pay AND benefits. This is such a huge answer to my prayers as well. I've been feeling mistreated and taken advantage of at my current job for so long, that it is just time to finally move on. I'm gonna wait a bit before I give my notice, because I secretly want to see them squirm to find someone else and train them right during their absolute busiest time of year. Not my problem :)

Dom was going to make me dinner tonight anyway, but he made it extra special in celebration of my new job. He cooked up so cajun chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and put together a lovely spinach salad with cranberries, walnuts, blue cheese, and topped it off with raspberry vinaigrette. He even got sparkling cider and sparkling pink lemonade for us to drink. He's so thoughtful.

Now, this might sound weird, but my absolute favorite thing about the night is that he went to the extra effort to make sure that all of the dishes and utensils matched, and that he set a fork, knife, AND spoon at each place, even though we didn't have use for the spoon. He usually makes fun of me for requiring this when I set the table, or he complains that we're dirtying another dish when we could simply serve the food straight from the pan. He's becoming oh so domestic!

Doesn't it look so good?!

We spent the rest of the evening talking and watching the Olympics. I sure love this guy <3

Too Long...

2010-02-22T23:17:00.005-07:00

Wow! It's been way too long. I have occasionally signed into my blog so that I could check others' blogs and I would see how long it has been since I last updated. I would think to myself that I needed to update my blog, but then I would think, "Nah, just wait til it's been a whole year." Terrible, I know.

Anyway, things are going good right now. I'm looking for a new job, and have interviewed a few places. I'm waiting to hear back about a job at Prudential Financial, and should hear back this week! I'm at ASU now, and I'm also taking a sign language class with Allyson at MCC. That's a lot of fun. I feel like I'm finally starting to catch on to that. It's hard not being able to talk for the entire 2 hours of class, especially for me!

Dom is doing good. I sure do love that guy. He has made an extra effort recently to show me how much he loves me. He's not usually big on texting, but he knows I am, and how much I love getting a random text here or there just to let me know he's thinking of me. So the other day he sent me this...

...with a message saying, "My friend wants to say hi." It made me LOL :D

And tomorrow I'm going to his house to watch the Olympics since my roommate took the TV away so that our other roommate can't have people over to watch Lost (girls are weird, I know), so now I can't watch the Olympics unless I go over there, so he's going to make me dinner for when I'm over there too. He's so great. I sure do love him :)

I'll try to do better on keeping everyone up-to-date. Good night world!

What just came out of my nose?!

2009-03-30T22:29:00.005-07:00

So I blow my nose ALL the time. Seriously, it's like my nose is addicted to the sand-papery feel of the generic brand tissues at work. I don't know how Kristina (my boss, and also the woman with whom I share an office) can stand it. She's just gotten really good at ignoring my constantly dripping orifice, among all the other noises I make (i.e. sneezing, coughing, talking, etc.).

Anyway, this morning when I got into work, I had to blow my nose right away. I set down my things at my desk, sat in my comfy swivel chair, and yanked a tissue from the box. I blew. And then, like any other home-grown American would do, I looked. (You gotta look.) And what did I find? . . .

It was a small SPIDER!! It looked a lot like this one, but maybe a littler lighter grey. So... my first thought was, "A spider was in my nose?! Good thing I have this irritating habit of blowing my nose or who knows how long it would have stayed up there!"

But then, after frantically squishing the spider with the snotty tissue, I had a chance to calm down and realize that maybe, just maybe, this little spider wanted to chill in my tissue box all weekend, and I just happened to catch him in the middle of a nap or something. Makes sense to me. After all, he's got a nice soft cushion to lay on, and it's dark and secluded. Perfect! But it was a short-lived luxury. I'm glad one of us survived to tell the tale. Farewell spider.

My Second Chance?

2009-03-06T20:15:00.001-07:00

So I started this post months ago, but never finished it. And now, Dom's camping with some buddies, so I have some extra time to catch up on my long-neglected blog. Since everyone knows I love him now, I suppose it's fine to post this. Enjoy!

For those of you that don't already know, I'm dating an amazing individual! We dated before for about a month and a half, but then broke up for about 5 weeks. Now we're back together and things are better than ever. I've mentioned him before--Dominick. (Or David Chin... either one. haha.) I've debated saying anything on here for risk of babbling on like a lovestruck teenager, but I can't help it anymore. He's just so amazing :D And I've found that since he's on my mind basically ALL the time, I can't think of any other good blog topics to write about. So I figure maybe if I just throw this out there, then I'll be able to move on. Maybe?

I met Dominick about a year and a half ago at Allyson and my housewarming party. He and several others were playing ping-pong in the garage when I went to check on them, trying to be a good hostess. Much to my surprise, he came up to me and said, "Your water heater is set too high." I'll never forget those words... *sigh* Haha.

He worked for SRP as an auditor, so he was just trying to save us some money. He got out his temperature gun and showed me, and then asked how long the water stayed hot and how high our bill was. He concluded that we probably needed a new water heater. So that's what we did. Thanks to Dom, I never had to worry about the hot water running out on me in the shower anymore for the 6 months I lived in that house!

Like most guys, Dom's a fixer. He's admitted to it and I've seen him in action. He wants to help make everything all right by getting to the root of the problem and taking care of it from there. I'm so grateful that he cares enough about me to want to make everything okay. Now I just need to get better at letting him know when I just want him to listen and when I want him to fix it!

So here are my thoughts. I used to think that every person had a soul mate. I suppose that just goes to show that I was buying into the false doctrine taught in "Saturday's Warrior" a little too much. ("I've seen that smile somewhere before..." etc.) Now I know that isn't true, and even though I doubted that fact for a time last summer, I'm beginning to realize that the Lord will always give us second chances. Could Dominick be my second chance at love? I think he is. To go from what I thought was the deepest despair to something so wonderful that I can't get enough of it makes me want to tell everyone!

So if you're going through a break-up, divorce, death of a loved one, repentance--whatever it is--the Lord will provide a way for you to see a light at the end of the tunnel! He wants us to get through it, not over it. He loves each one of us and He knows our hearts. He is aware of our struggles. He will provide as many opportunities for us to learn and grow as it takes for us to be humble, gain experience, and return to live with Him. I am so grateful for that! And I hope I never forget it.

Alright, alright. I'll write ;)

2009-03-04T20:47:00.003-07:00

It's official.

I've been called out on my own blog. Thanks guys =P

But ya know how things just get so busy and you find yourself just enjoying the moments, but not taking time to write them down? That's how it's been for me. Life has been really good. I'm in love! Wow... I just said it online. That's kinda big.

Over the course of these 4 1/2 months that Dominick and I have been together, we've learned a lot about each other. I'm excited each time I get to see him or talk to him. I never thought I'd be so happy. He's an amazing example to me of hard work and responsibility. He's helping me to be better each day, and I love him for it.

Now, I suppose the reason that I haven't written much on my blog is because of the perfect example above. I don't want to ramble on about things that don't really make sense to anyone but me. But hey, on the other hand, it's my blog, right? I can write whatever I want and it's up to YOU whether to read it or not. Lol. But don't say I didn't warn you.

P.S. Katie Lorsch, I'm reminding myself of you. Haha, I haven't gone into as much detail yet, but I kinda feel like I can relate to you a bit as far as blogging goes before you and Ryan got married. Hehe. Just the lovey-dovey stuff, you know.

Productivity

2009-01-13T23:39:00.005-07:00

Today was quite possibly the most productive day I've had in a very long time. I got up early, even though I didn't work today. I went over to Miss Cannon's class to visit since I hadn't since I was done with my Service Learning. One girl, Kaylee, got really excited and gave me a hug right away. I thanked Bella again for the Smencil she gave me. (A Smencil is a smelly pencil. Mine smells like cotton candy, but does not taste like it.) I didn't stay very long, but I got to work with a few of the kids on some math.

After that I went to the grocery store, then came home and did some laundry and called my mom. We talked for about an hour, and then I headed over to my friend Diana's house. She got her tonsils removed yesterday, poor thing. I was expecting her to be curled up on the couch in pj's with her hair up, and looking like an invalid should. But no. It is impossible for Diana Lilly to look bad! I walk in to her house, and she comes out dressed for the day, with her hair and make up done. She sounded terrible, but she looked great as always. She showed me her throat. Yuck! I told her people would pitty her more if she looked the part, but she said she was sick of looking the way she felt. Man, I think if I got my tonsils out and was in that much pain, I would milk it a bit more than she is. But she didn't want to take my advice on that one. Lol

Next I went to FedEx Kinkos to mail my jacked up phone back to Verizon. It was about 1:30. At this point, I was seriously considering going back home to take a nap. But I knew I had to get registered for school. It starts next week!

I went over to the Red Mountain campus for MCC to talk with an advisor. Oh, for those of you who don't know yet, I changed my major from teaching to Journalism. I'm really excited about it, but I also know that it's going to take a lot more work, and is going to add on a bit more schooling. But it's what I want to do, so I'm going for it. Everything's situated for another semetser at MCC to get some of the lower level classes completed. I never thought I would spend this much time at a community college!

I came home, cancelled my V-Cast from my phone, called my mom again, talked to Elena, ate some of her pizza, read a chapter from Twilight, then took a little nap. I woke up, tore my room apart looking for the installation disc for my printer so I could try to fix it, couldn't find it, and called Tech Support hoping they could help me without it. Turns out, Tech Support closes at 10pm Eastern Standard Time. It was 9:oopm here. Darn Canon. Don't they know how to outsource? So I spent some time trying to look stuff up online, called Derek, he didn't answer, then looked for that CD again. I finally found it, then opened up the manual to see what I could do. I followed the instructions, and then my printer started working! But... there was one small problem. The ink had basically dried up. I mean, it was sitting there for 8 months untouched. So then I ran to Wal-Mart and bought the very last ink cartridge they had for what I needed. I came home, inserted the cartridge into my printer and... Vuala! (I know that can't be the right spelling. A little help, anyone?)

I got so much done, and I was even able to fit a nap in. Kari would be so proud ;)

FINALLY!

2008-12-16T19:23:00.003-07:00

After a semester that I thought would never end, I feel relieved. Things didn't go exactly the way I wanted, and had I taken the time each day during the semester to study like I have the past couple days, then I know I would have been in much better shape. But now that it's over, I can focus on goals for the break, goals for the coming year, and goals for next semester.

Goals for the break however, will include updating this darned blog. I have a new neice that has yet to be spoken of on here. My poor cyber stalking friends never knew. I also turned 21 and had my first bar experience. Those are two major events in my life that must not go unannounced--including details.

Another goal for the break is to finally call those tech support guys in Malaysia about how to fix my printer. It's been messed up all semester. I've only been able to print stuff for free thanks to Allyson, Dom, and Sutter's Mill Specialties. A special thanks goes out to all three ;)

I'll have to think more about goals for next year and semester. And I'm hesitant to post them on here, only because that requires me to be more accountable. But, we shall see.

Homework... what's that?

2008-11-06T18:32:00.009-07:00

So I was driving to school tonight and yet another Garth Brooks song came on. I wondered what lesson he had for me tonight. Ok... so I'm not sure I really learned anything from "I've Got Friends in Low Places," but it sure made me laugh. Even though I don't completely relate to the words in that song, it can sure put a smile on your face, and is fun to blast in the car while singing along in your most obnoxious country twang. So, yet again, thanks Garth. You never cease to amaze me ;)

"You're welcome, Lisa."

This past week I've tried something new. It's called homework. I've found that it's not very exciting while you're in the process of doing it, but the results afterward feel so great as opposed to the alternative... that is... of not doing it (on time, or to the best of your ability). So I guess that's why it's been awhile since my last post. Sorry about that.

Today I finished up my service learning in Miss Carrie Cannon's 3rd Grade classroom. It has been a lot of fun working with those kids. It's funny how you can see that each child has a unique personality from a very early age. Since it was my last day, all of the little girls kept hugging me all day long, and then at the end of the day I even got a hug from each boy. That never happens. They made me a poster that is now hanging on my wall in my room. I will definitely be back to visit.

Now I'm off to do some missionary visits and then hopefully watch The Office someplace. Busy day, but it's been great!

(By the way... still not sick of the HSM3 soundtrack!)

HSM3 and Eustachian Tubes

2008-10-30T18:38:00.006-07:00

So I already posted today, but I guess I have more to say on different subjects...

I LOVE the new High School Musical 3 Soundtrack!! Oh my gosh... it's so great. I love that movie too!! Oh man... Ok, that's enough.

But also, my eustachian tubes are acting up again, and I don't like it. My immune system basically sucks right now. How is it that you can get 8 hours of sleep for the past 4 nights in a row and still feel the need to take a nap? So this Tuesday, please Vote No on Proposition Sickness.

(Ok, bad joke. I blame it on my equillibrium being off because of my ear and throat pain.)

Thanks Garth

2008-10-30T16:16:00.006-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about how different life would be if I had never met Travis Alexander. Maybe that sounds insensitive. I'm sorry if it does. But really, I wouldn't have gone through so much pain during all those break-ups, not to mention having to deal with the loss of him.

While driving this morning I was listening to the radio. Garth Brooks' "The Dance" began to play. As I listened to the words, I came to a new understanding of the experiences we go through in life.

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared beneath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I the king

But if I'd only known how the king would fall

Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

I'm grateful for having Travis in my life, for the short time he was. And I AM "glad I didn't know the way it all would end." Of course I would have stayed away had I known. But I think about how much fun we had while we were together. Although it didn't work out, I truly learned a lot from the time we shared. Not only did he push me to become more than I thought I could, he taught me a lot about relationships. Believe me, a lot of it he didn't even know he was teaching me. There were things I observed that I've taken note of that I don't want in a husband. But everyone has their flaws, and we would have dealt with both of ours just fine had things been different.

So thanks, Garth, for reminding me of yet another important truth.

And thanks, Travis, for such a wonderful dance.

Avoiding Small Talk

2008-10-28T17:40:00.006-07:00

So I came to school early tonight to get some homework done. I find I work better when I'm away from home... away from a place to sleep really. I'm quite fond of my bed... well, I'm fond of sleeping. Anyway, I've been here for about and hour, iPod headphones in, working on my computer and worksheets simultaneously. It's very easy for me to appear extremely busy. However, I have noticed at least 3 people walk by that I know. I didn't want to say anything to them and feel like I had to make small talk. I know they saw me too, because I saw them look, out of the corner of my eye. What is it with us avoiding a friendly conversation? I don't know, but I just thought it was funny.

(Thank you to Elena Gomez for providing the picture.)

The Right to Vote

2008-10-26T23:15:00.008-07:00

We are priveledged citizens of a country that allows any man, any woman, from any race or background, whether they own land or are completely homeless, the right to vote. We vote to ensure our voices are heard. We vote to have the chance to create the community and nation that we would feel most comfortable raising our children in--a nation that holds true the same values that we do.

In Arizona, we have Prop. 102 coming up. The proposition states that, "Only a union of one man and one woman will be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state." If passed, this will become an amendment in the Arizona Constitution. There is a similar proposition up in California--Prop. 8. (Hence the picture above.) Both propositions are left up to the voters to decide.

I talked to a classmate of mine last week about voting, politics, etc. Somehow I brought up Prop. 102. He hadn't even heard of it. I briefly explained what it was. Then he asked why it was so important. I explained what I could, but told him that I honestly couldn't convince him to vote based upon me just feeling that it was the right thing to do. I emailed him the following information, and that did it. He's going to vote now, because it is important to him too!

Some important reasons to Vote Yes on Prop. 102:

1. Children in public schools will have to be taught that same-sex marriage is just as good as traditional marriage . The California Education Code (§51890) already requires that health education classes instruct children about marriage. Therefore, unless Proposition 8 passes (similar to Arizona's Prop 102), children will be taught that marriage is a relation between any two adults regardless of gender. There will be serious clashes between the secular school system and the right of parents to teach their children their own values and beliefs.

2. It will lead to more government intrusion into private lives. A photographer in Albuquerque refused to photograph a lesbian couple's civil union ceremony. The New Mexico Human Rights Commission fined the photographer $6000 even though there were other photographers willing to accept the business. And this in a state where same-sex marriage is still illegal.

3. It will lead to speech monitors. An employee at the City of Oakland was threatened with termination for using the terms "natural family, marriage and family values" while discussing a public issue with co-workers. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeal backed up the district court saying administrative efficiency in a government office is more important than.

4. Anti-discrimination regulations will become more important than religious beliefs. In Vista, California, a lesbian couple sued a doctor who refused to perform a requested artificial insemination because of the doctor's religious beliefs. Although another doctor offered to do the procedure, the California Supreme Court held unanimously that the "1st Amendment's right to the free exercise of religion does not exempt defendant physicians here from conforming their conduct to the . antidiscrimination requirements." An elective procedure, no emergency involved, another doctor willing to do the procedure. Anti-bias laws still outweigh religion.

5. Churches will be sued over their tax-exempt status if they refuse to allow same-sex marriage ceremonies in their religious buildings open to the public. While pastors, priests, ministers, bishops, and rabbis may not be forced to conduct such marriages themselves, they will be required to allow such marriages in their chapels and sanctuaries.

6. Religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Catholic Charities in Boston has already closed its doors because of the legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts.

7. Religions that sponsor private schools with married-student housing will be required to provide housing for same-sex couples, even if counter to church doctrine, or risk lawsuits over tax exemptions and related benefits.

8. Ministers who preach against same-sex marriages will be sued for hate speech and could be fined by the government. It has already happened in Canada, one of six countries that have legalized gay marriage. If a government agency such as the Alberta Human Rights Commission can stop a minister from teaching his church's doctrine about marriage, then it won't be long before everyone's free speech rights will be in jeopardy.

9. It will cost everyone more money. This change in the definition of marriage will bring a cascade of lawsuits, including some already decided adversely. Even if courts eventually find in favor of a defender of traditional marriage (highly improbable given today's activist judges), think of the money - your money, your church contributions - that will be spent on legal battles.

And now, from my cousin Ashley's blog:

"REMEMBER THIS STORY?: Finding his liberty threatened, a great man once sought to rally the people to his cause, creating the Title of Liberty. It read, “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children”. Today we find our liberty threatened again. Not by an attempt to overthrow our government, but by an equally disturbing attempt to overthrow the institution our country was founded on – the family. Our land needs more men like that general of old who prayed mightily and then cried to his people, “Whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them."

In response, the people of the land came RUNNING - ready to defend their freedom. Undoubtedly, this was not easy for them. Many members of the church had even been deceived by the flattering words of their opponents. Like us, they had friends and neighbors who did not agree with them. Like us, it was neither easy nor convenient for them to put their lives aside to fight for a cause; but history has proved them wise in their decision, and victorious in their efforts.

A similar choice faces us now, in this moment. Covenants are being broken in our land which we have been warned will bring upon us and our neighbors heartbreaking calamities. It is in our power to stop it. Let history judge us kindly and let our children be able to proclaim that when our liberty was threatened, we likewise came RUNNING..."

We have the opportunity to stand up for the values we hold dear. I'm not telling you what to choose, just please make sure you're doing what YOU believe in, and not just trying to be "politically correct."

YesForMarriage.com

The Ones That Mean the Most

2008-10-23T17:58:00.019-07:00

WARNING: THIS POST IS VERY LONG, AND MAY NOT INTEREST MANY OF YOU.

I was talking to my sister Kari today and she was asking who my last post was about. I didn't tell her, but then she joked by saying something about how it was about herself. I said no, but that I could probably include her in the number of people that would put my needs before her own.

That got me thinking. I am sooo grateful for my eternal family! I have a large family, 5 sisters and 3 brothers. Five of them are married. Four of them have children, and there's one on the way. The bigger my family gets, the harder it is to stay in touch. One of the things that comes with that is that it also becomes increasingly difficult to express appreciation for each one. We really have to go out of our way, detach ourselves from our normal routines, to take the time to call one another and catch up. Facebook and Gmail chat have been blessings, for it makes quick communication easier. Even this blog has helped my family see how I'm doing and what's going on in my life. But there's always room for improvement.

I'm going to take a moment to recognize each one of my siblings. They deserve it! They are all such amazing individuals, and I know at least half of them will read this. Here's to family!!

JOANNA-

Joanna is the oldest of the clan. We blame her for every bad word that ever came into the house. Haha, not that she had a potty mouth; it was just easy to do. Like if we'd say "shut up" and our parents asked us where we learned that word or not to say it anymore, we would say, "Joanna said it first."

Joanna used to call me Princesa Pequeña when I was little. She's the oldest girl, and I'm the youngest, so I really looked up to her.

She is a kind, caring, affectionate person. She is the mother of four. She danced on the BYU Ballroom Dance Team back in her glory days. She's very beautiful. Joanna is passionate about whatever she does. She's an excellent scrapbooker, photographer, card maker, and toll painter (is that how you spell it?). What I love about her most of all is her tender heart. She will often tell a story and end it with, "I was totally balling." I believe it! She is so involved in her children's lives, and I'm sure they know how much they love her. I love you too, Joanna!

KARI-

Kari is next in line. I remember going to her basketball games when I was little. I also remember wearing her hand-me-downs and when Allyson and I would complain about this, Mom would always say, "Kari made whatever she wore look great. You can do the same." And it's true. Kari has great style. And whenever she gives me hand-me-downs now, I love it! It's better than shopping.

I lived with Kari the summer before my Freshman year in high school. She had decided to go back to school to finish up her degree, but already had 2 kids at home. She needed to have someone she could trust basically be a full time nanny--and I was the best candidate ;-) I got to observe her interactions with her little family first hand.

She is now a mother of 3. She is also very creative. She's into scrapbooking, interior design, and organization! There isn't a day that I talk to her that I don't hear about the latest project she has going on. Today she even told me that she "loves to clean!" She has taught me that it's okay to dance like no one is looking. We have this rule that whenever either of us hears the song "I Hope You Dance," we have to text the other. It's a good rule. I hope you dance, Kari! I love you!!

EMILY-

Emily is so great! She is the third child. Joanna and Kari both have dark hair, and so do the next two that came after Emily, so everyone always told her she was the milkman's daughter. Maybe it's because she was teased so much as a child that she is so sensitive to all of us now. I don't know...

Emily also played basketball in high school. She threw the discuss and shotput, and took State in discuss for Hurricane High School in West Virginia. She's always been stronger than she looks. Emily came back and lived with us for a year in California. She has told me that she learned a lot about each of us at home at that point. That's when she realized we

had all grown up, and had thoughts of our own.

I talk to Emily almost every day. If we don't hear from each other on at least every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday(days that we both work, and can be on gmail), something must be wrong. Emily is one of the most generous people I've ever met. I've talked to her about all that before, so I won't go into detail, but she is so willing to give whatever assistance she can to help me out, whether it be monetary or time oriented, she'll do it if I ask.

She's also the greatest Aunt that I've ever seen in action. All the kids absolutely adore her. She is so great with kids, and can find a way to make them laugh, or simply stop crying, in any situation. Oh wait... she can do that for adults too! I love you, Emily.

WILLIAM-

William is the kind of big brother that everyone should have. He's protective, stubborn, and good-looking. Honestly, I don't remember much about William from my childhood, except for when he made fun of me. He's the one that got me to break my habit of saying "Umm" all the time. Thank you for that. There's also this time that everyone just loves to bring up when he was doing something to make me laugh. Each time I would laugh, I would tilt my head back all the way. William thought it was funny to act like he was pulling the string behind my head to make me do that. Okay, I'll admit that it is kind of funny. But not as funny as everyone makes it out to be.

William is the proud father of two. He was recently honorably discharged from the United States Air Force, and now attends business school at The University of Michigan. William has always looked out for me. Even though it can get a little annoying at times, I know that he truly does have my best interest at heart. He got me to try honey-seared shrimp from Pei Wei, and I loved it! He also gets me to think about things that I might not have otherwise. He really likes to play Devil's Advocate with me, and it makes me have to reevaluate my stance on certain issues. I love you William!!

MARIANNE-

Marianne is smack dab in the middle of all of us. I've never gotten the vibe from her that she didn't like that. I don't think she had Jan Brady or Stephanie Tanner Syndrome by any means. She gets along well with everyone. I shared a room with her up until William left on his mission, and she got her own room. But when we moved to Oklahoma, she was back with us again. I'm sure it was hard for her, sharing a room with her two younger sisters, that she didn't have much in common with. She had to have gotten fed up with our toys strewn all across the room, and with me for needing the hall light on when I slept. However, she was always entertaining. You see, Marianne talks in her sleep. I remember one night quite vividly as she rambled on about Burt and Ernie for a bit. Good times.

Marianne is one I would consider to be an intellectual. I remember her always talking about books she'd been reading, or talk about theories she had on anything in life. She's opinionated, but I think that's an Andrews trait in general.

Marianne is a mother of two boys. She's incredible. I get to talk with her on gmail occassionally as well, and she's always telling me that she must go take care of her boys now, but she just wanted to say hi. She offers some great advice. Haha, my favorite is when I'm dating someone new and the first thing she asks is, "Is he a good kisser? That's important, ya know." I love you, Marianne!

DEREK-

I love Derek so much!! He used to be really mean to me, up until about the time he was preparing to leave for his mission. That's when we really started talking more. Speaking of his mission, after he left, I was really sad. I missed him a lot. When I would talk about him, I would say things like, "When Derek was here..." or "Derek used to..." It was almost as if he were dead the way I would go on about him. Thank goodness he's still here :D

Now we get to talk about dating, school, family relationships, finances--you name it, we talk about it. I love that I have someone that is willing to stay up until 5am on a video conference on iChat with me. And he really is such an amazing guy.

Derek is becoming quite a responsible man. He's gonna make some lucky girl very happy. He's great at communicating his ideals and without being overbearing, he can help you to see things from his perspective. He can also be pretty protective at times. I appreciate it though. That's what big brothers are for. I love you, Derek!!

ALLYSON-

Allyson has been my best friend since before I can remember. We've done everything together. Every move, every town, every house. (I have one up on her now ;-) ) Every childhood memory I have, I'm pretty sure she's in it. Like the time she wanted to go to the corner store (B&L?) on a Sunday to get some candy. She was probably 6 which would make me 4 at the time. The distance was too long for us to travel by ourselves in the first place, not to mention it was Sunday, and we weren't supposed to by anything anyway. But we went ahead. I'm not sure how we got out of the house and literally within sight of the corner store before anyone came to get us. That story goes to show how things usually go for us. Allyson has some great idea, potentially dangerous or trouble-making, and I go along with it. She's a great leader;-)

Allyson saved my life at least once. When we lived in Massachusetts on Lincoln Street, we used to climb this big tree in the front yard. We would take everything up there--toys, books, Miracle Whip and Cheese sandwiches. (You heard me.) One day I fell from a limb, but instead of falling completely to the ground, another branch caught the back of my shirt, so I was litterally hanging myself. Allyson was at the very top of the tree. She did some sort of acrobatic, monkey-climb to get to me. She unhooked my shirt from the branch and I fell to the ground.

Aside from this instance, whenever I would get hurt, she would pull out the Family Medical Guide that we had. There was one time that I fell and hit my head while at the roller-skating rink. I had a pretty nice sized goose egg on my head. She wouldn't let me fall asleep until she was absolutely sure I didn't have a concussion.

As protective as my brothers have been, Allyson beats them both outright. She will do anything to protect her family. She's got spunk. She's firey. She's actually toned down quite a bit now that she's pregnant. I wonder if some of that will come back. Either way, I love you , Allyson!!

CALEB-

My dad and Derek always say that Caleb is going to be the smartest of us all. I think they're right. Caleb is very intelligent, and is becoming more witty every time I talk to him. He's got a great sense of humor, a bit of a temper, but overall he's a stud.

I hated Caleb when he was first born. For 5 1/2 years, I was used to being the cute one--the one that all my older siblings' friends wanted to talk to and play with at church. I remember his first Sunday at church. Emily was holding him while all her friends just doted over him, while I was crying behind the coats on the coat-rack. All that has changed though. I love Caleb and am growing to appreciate him for every day.

He's a very hardworker. He has a paper route, attends early-morning seminary, has a full load of honors classes, plays football, and fulfills his church responsibilities. I honestly don't know how he does it, but I am very proud of him. Love you Cuppycake!!

Greater Love

2008-10-23T01:18:00.003-07:00

In a conversation with a friend tonight, I was struck with an enormous feeling of gratitude. He said something to the effect of "I'm willing to go through this so you don't have to. Hopefully it will spare you some of the pain." That hit me right between the eyes, and he didn't know it (at least until now) that I started to tear up a little.

I'm impressed by people that are this selfless. They're so willing to put others' needs before their own. They keep their problems to themselves and always try to stay positive. I am grateful that I have at least a few friends like this--friends that are willing to do something for me to spare me some of the pain.

I'm reminded of the Savior. He, in following the will of the Father, put our needs before His own. He took upon himself every infirmity of mankind. He went through every trial. I can't comprehend it fully, but I'm catching glimpses of the Atonement as I see it act in my own life, and as I witness Christlike attributes radiating from friends around me.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13

Regan's Trip to Mesa

2008-10-22T22:33:00.014-07:00

Regan came to visit Mesa this weekend. We had a very eventful time. Elena and I took a half day at work and then went to pick her up. Introductions for Elena and Regan, and then we were off to one of my favorite places on earth, P.B. Loco, for lunch. In the parking garage for Scottsdale Fashion Square, we came across this Betty Boop van that one of us just had to take a picture with. Of course I was the only one willing. As soon as we walked away, the lady got in her car. Oops! She totally saw me.

P.B. Loco is the coolest place on earth. They have several different flavors of peanut butter, and they'll let you sample it like at Cold Stone. I tried the chocolate chip cookie dough peanut butter. It was good, but I don't know if I could eat that for a whole sandwich. I got a grilled white chocolate raspberry peanut butter with grape jelly and banana sandwich. Loved it!!

We brought Regan home to get settled in, and then we all took naps. That night a group of us went to Jesterz comedy club in Scottsdale. I think everyone had a good time. I'd been once before, and I will definitely go back again!

This next picture I took at Jesterz because when I was in OK I took a bunch of pictures of random signs there. And would you believe, as soon as the camera flashed, a man walked out of the bathroom with an angry look on his face. I think he thought I was trying to take a picture of him, or maybe that I was just some perverted lady. Haha, it was a little awkward.
After Jesterz we went to the Grand Lux Cafe for some dessert and appetizers. Delicious. Here's what Dom and I got.
I had class Saturday morning, so I got up early to go to that. When I got home, Regan and I went to Costa Vida for lunch, then came back and she played the piano, I played the violin, and we both sang a little. That's a favorite past time for both of us. That night was Elena's Luau. That was fun. There was a great turn out, the food was good, and Elena danced beautifully!

After the Luau we went to a party. Regan seemed to have got along well with everyone there, and somehow they got her to sing on Rock Band!

Sunday I made pancakes for breakfast and then we went to church at my ward, and then linger longer at the Indigo Bay Ward. We had planned on going on a drive out to the desert so Regan could see an Arizona sunset and some saguaro cacti, then that plan got changed to include a certain Steve Bell, and I opted not to go. Haha, but they had a good time without me :D They even made it to Canyon Lake in time to get a beautiful picture at sunset.

Monday morning came very early. 4:15. Yuck, I never want to see that time in the a.m. again... unless it's Christmas. I dropped Regan off at the airport at around 5:15, got lost a few times trying to get to work from the airport, finally parked in front of my office building at 5:45 (which should have been more like 5:20, if it weren't for the fact I got lost so many times), then pulled out my pillow and blanket and took a nap in my car until 6:55, then went inside and got to work!

I think she had a good time. It's fun having friends visit. I get to play hostess, and that in itself is entertaining for me.

Dating Again...

2008-10-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

Alright, so here's the scoop. I recently started dating someone exclusively. It's new and fun, but we kept it pretty quiet when we were just going on dates. And that's how it usually goes, isn't it? Well, because we were being pretty discreet about it, certain people thought we were "pretending" to date. Strange concept, I know. But people talk, and will believe almost anything they hear, so that rumor spread quickly. Once we decided to date exclusively it was time to show it. And would you believe these rumor spreaders are still telling people that we're pretending?!

While I'm trying to prove that I'm dating someone for reals (not for fakes) to friends at church and all, I'm trying my best to keep it a secret at work. My boss, Andrew, likes to give me crap when he knows I'm dating someone. I've had 2 other boyfriends in the year plus that I've worked here, and he preys on the opportunity to discover the latest details of my relationship status. I hadn't dated for a long time after Travis died, so he didn't have anything to make fun of me about or give me advice on what to do. He began to miss that I think. Well I didn't!

So I've been dating Dominick exclusively for three weeks now and I've lied to Andrew countless times about it. He knows I've been on a few dates, but doesn't think anything of it. That could partially be because I told him I wasn't really into the guy. Anyway, he kept interrogating me. I felt like I was going to crack. And then he started telling me about nice Jewish boys he wanted to set me up with. He even wanted me to sign up on an online Jewish dating service. I told him I didn't think that would be very kosher. ;-) I had to think of a decoy, and fast!

That's when I came up with a marvelous plan, that Dom was very eager to go along with. I don't want Andrew to think that I'm a loser and keep telling him that I'm not going on any dates, but I don't want to tell him I'm going on dates with the same person all the time. So, I decided that I could go on a date with Dom and just tell Andrew it is with a different guy each time.

For our first venture, Dom wanted to be "of the Asian Persuasion." We named him David Chin.

I went out with David Chin last Friday night. I met him at church a few months ago, so we've been friends for awhile, but this was our first date. He took me to get some Thai Food and it was delicious! He knew just what to order. We had good conversation over dinner. I found out that David really likes Math, plays the violin beautifully, and drives a Honda Civic. (I told Dom that I wondered what crazy stereotypes we would talk about when I decided to go out with a black guy!) After dinner, we went mini golfing. He won, but only because he's Asian, and Asians are good at everything they do. And then after that, we got some ice cream and Cold Stone.

The date went ok, but I told Andrew that I wasn't that into him. I felt like he tried too hard to impress me. In all honesty, for a first date, I think it's perfectly fine to do something small and simple, just to get to know each other. No need to impress me with an expensive meal or a big activity.

Andrew and I actually got onto the topic of how "Mormon Dating" is a lot different than how the rest of the world does it. Think about it. The date I went on with "David" is very typical of a first date for an LDS couple; maybe even a little tame. I've been on some where it's a large group activity and you don't even get a chance to get to know your date because everything is just so structured. And then I end up going on one, maybe two, more dates with this guy and I feel like I've been tricked into the whole thing. And then, when it doesn't work out, the guy might be upset because he just "wasted" all that money on "someone else's wife." I've heard it many times. So why do we put ourselves through it? Andrew doesn't understand it and neither do I. Now let's take a look at how everyone else does this.

If Andrew were to take a girl out for the first time, they would meet for drinks, coffee, ice cream, or appetizers somewhere. Keep it simple he says. I'll paraphrase the rest. Driving separately ensures an escape at any time should either of you require one. Having drinks (can be non-alcoholic--doesn't matter) or appetizers as opposed to a full course meal saves money. It also saves anyone from having to feel like they should impress. A first date should be about getting to know someone and letting them get to know you. If you end up liking it, go on another date. Maybe this time a nice dinner. But don't invest too much too soon. In a strange way I agree with everything he says here. There's no reason there should be so much pressure on the first date.

So I left Andrew with the impression that David Chin wasn't all that great, and I probably won't be seeing him again. I told Dominick the news and he was a little upset. "Give David one more chance," he said. "He tried really hard. If you don't like him after one more date then you can write him off." I tried to fight it, but Dom kept going. "All I'm saying is you should always give a guy a second chance if he asks. Maybe he just wasn't on his A Game. One more look and you might fall inlove." I agreed to give him one more chance, but then I was told, "Well, he might not even ask you out again, so don't worry about it." Nice!

Unanswered Prayers

2008-09-29T00:58:00.004-07:00

As a Branch Missionary I attend the Gospel Principles class for Sunday School with new and less active members. It's actually been a really good experience for me to reevaluate how much I actually know about the foundations of the gospel. This week's lesson was on "Praying to Our Heavenly Father." The lesson goes on to outline what prayer is, why, how, and when we should pray, and how prayers are answered. We talked about how sometimes we receive a "No" answer to our prayers, and we may not understand why. Garth Brooks is even as bold as to call these "Unanswered Prayers." But are they really? Or could it be, just maybe, that our Heavenly Father hears us, but truly knows what is best for us, and maybe that's why he doesn't want us to follow that particular path?

I don't think we give Heavenly Father the credit He deserves. I know sometimes I don't. He really does know us! He knows of things to come. He has the foresight, and will grant us some if we only just listen and obey. Early this year, I was faced with a decision that would shape my future and eternity. I knew what I wanted to do, but I thought I should at least run it by the Lord first. I prayed and prayed and prayed. But nothing. I didn't feel like I was getting an answer. And silly me; I took that as an "it mattereth not" type of answer--as in either way I chose I would be ok. Heavenly Father was going to trust me on my own with this one. So I went with it. I had made my decision.

But slowly I saw things start to fall apart. What I thought was going to be my happily ever after was wilting away right before my eyes like the rose in Beauty and the Beast. And as this happened, I prayed to know if I had made the right decision. Within a very short period of time, I heard a "No!" loud and clear. I quickly removed myself from the situation. Because I had such a strong impression, I needed to distance myself as much as possible, for fear of returning.

At the time, and for months afterward, I couldn't quite understand why the sudden prompting to escape. I tried figuring it out. It was painful. But I still couldn't grasp it all.

It wasn't until I learned of the brutal murder of Travis, and after months of dealing with all the pain and emotions that come with it, that I have come to realize why we couldn't be together. Whether it was to protect me physically or emotionally, or both, I know not. But I do know that Heavenly Father was watching out for me, and continues to do so.

You see, He allows us to make our own decisions. He trusts that we will do the right thing. He won't tell us every little detail so that we never mess up. He allows for mistakes, however painful they may be. But what He has done for me has shown me that He will never allow me to make that wrong decision without a huge warning first. He'll never take away my agency, but He will make sure that I know where He stands on the issue.

So even though I don't like the phrasing, I'm with Garth on this one. I'm learning to thank God for unanswered prayers.

Times Like These

2008-09-17T10:41:00.003-07:00

"In times like these
In times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes
And it always goes on and on...
On and on it goes

And there has always been laughing, crying, birth, and dying
Boys and girls with hearts that take and give and break
And heal and grow and recreate and raise and nurture
But then hurt from time to time like these
And times like those
And what will be will be
And so it goes

And there will always be stop and go and fast and slow
Action, Reaction, sticks and stones and broken bones
Those for peace and those for war
And God bless these ones, not those ones
But these ones made times like these
And times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes
And it always goes on and on...
On and on it goes

But somehow I know it won't be the same
Somehow I know it will never be the same."

-Jack Johnson

In the words of Taylor Searle, "Life happens." I guess sometimes things happen that we can't do anything about. And similar things will happen to everyone on this earth. We all have "Times Like These." Sometimes we're referring to happy times, and sometimes we're referring to... not so happy times. Whatever the situation is, we must know there is opposition in all things. And boy am I seeing that right now. I can be really happy with something new and exciting, and then really stressed with school. I can see a cute guy in class and talk to him for a bit, and then come home and hear some more disheartening news. I have so little control over the bad, but I can control the good. I have the power to make the choice to make the good times better simply by not being afraid to take risks again. I can trust again. And I know that trust may be broken again, but I know that there will always be a chance to bounce back up. So thanks, Jack, for inspiring this blog today. Elena and William will be pleased.

The Rose

2008-09-12T09:47:00.002-07:00

A single rose was left on my door step last night with a note containing words of comfort. I don't know who left it, so if you are reading this, thank you.

Turn to our Heavenly Father in Faith

2008-09-11T11:32:00.005-07:00

"Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes... We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face."

President Thomas S. Monson

Looking Back and Moving Forward

General Conference April 2008

Remember a couple posts back when I talked about people that hear the promptings of the Spirit and obey? Yeah... this is another one of those situations. Another friend, that I haven't seen in over a year, and don't really talk to very often, sent me a text containing this message. I went and looked up the rest of the talk as soon as I got home. My friend had no idea why, but he felt like he just needed to send that to me. He had been listening to the talk and thought of me. Again, I am so grateful for people like this in my life, and their willingness to act on those promptings in order to bless MY life! I can definitely learn a thing or two from them.

So what can I learn from this though? It completely describes all of this mess right now. Right when we think we can just move on and try to accept it, another disturbing article comes out, the media can't wait to get their hands on our version of the story, or Jodi pulls another crazy stunt. Sometimes it DOES feel like there is "no light at the tunnel’s end." And one thing that hurts me so much is knowing that we all "feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts." It's not just this that has hit this summer. I've been indirectly affected by the death of friends of friends. It hurts me to see people struggle with not only the death of Travis (and everything that goes with it) but they have also had to endure other hardships. I've seen too many break-ups. I've seen too much pain. I want it to stop. I just want everyone to be happy. It's one thing to be in pain, but it's another thing to be in pain alone. I've been grateful that I know I have people I can turn to when I need to talk. But I need to be there for others as well.

But no matter what I do, the message is still the same. We all must turn to our Father in Heaven, because He, along with His son, Jesus Christ, will comfort us in whatever affliction we are called to bear.

Oh say, what is truth?

2008-09-09T15:10:00.005-07:00

"Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come."-D&C 93:24

As human beings, we want to know the truth. Honesty is important to us. Integrity is a value we hold dear. We're a naturally trusting people. But once someone betrays that trust, it's so hard to know what to believe--to know if you can ever trust them again.

The media tells us what they want us to believe. But their facts are not always accurate and their stories are often biased or skewed. It's hard to know if they can ever really be trusted. Are they just telling a story or is it really about getting the truth out there?

John Swinton, former Chief of Staff for the New York Times stated:

"The business of the journalist is to destroy the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of mammon, and to sell this country and his race for his daily bread. You know it and I know it... We are the tools of vassals of rich men behind the scenes... We are intellectual prostitutes."

This guy was at the heart of it so he knew what he was talking about. But he just outed his kind. To me, it sounds like he doesn't even trust anything his own paper writes. Well if he doesn't, then why should I? I keep thinking of the movie The Newsies and the part when they ask "What makes a good headline?" Jack explains that catchy words like "Nude," "Corpse," or "Love nest" make for great headlines. (But remember, "Headlines don't sell papes. Newsies sell papes.")

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Media, media everywhere,

And all the eyes did blink.
Media, media all around,
And nary the time to think.

So if they're so busy telling us what to believe, when they don't really believe it themselves, how can we really trust them? It is up to us to decide what we want to believe. We must decipher what we know to be true, what is fabricated libel, and what is simply speculation. And beside that, when was the last time you trusted a murderer?

I know one thing is for sure: Heavenly Father knows all things. And He spares us from the pain and grief that we cannot handle. We must put our trust in Him and know that all things will be taken care of. Whatever happens on this earth, it will be worked out in the end. He knows your heart and mine, and I am grateful that He is the judge of our salvation.

"Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth."-D&C 50:40

"Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."

2008-09-08T00:38:00.004-07:00

Most days are good. In fact, the bad days have become fewer and farther between. But recently some things have hit all at once. I've had to make tough decisions--decisions that no 20 year old should have to worry about--decisions that I don't think anyone should have to worry about for that matter. The biggest thing I want to worry about right now is making sure that I pass all my classes this semester and finally get out of MCC!

One day in particular last week, a friend of mine noticed that I was a bit down. He has no idea about any of the stuff with Travis, but he could tell something was troubling me. (I mean, seeing me crying was probably a pretty obvious give-away.) I got away before he had the chance to say anything to me, so he texted me.

"Don't cry Lisa...Jesus loves you!" he said.

"Thanks. But sometimes can't we cry BECAUSE we know that He loves us?" I sent back.

We texted back a forth about that for a bit. He told me to read 3 Nephi 12:4

"And again, blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."

I've been thinking a lot recently about how the Lord has blessed my life. Every day it seems He is proving to me that He IS aware of me and my sorrows. Here I have this friend, who has no idea what I'm going through, yet he was able to be led by the Spirit to tell me exactly what I needed to hear. I am grateful that he listened to those promptings.

I am eternally grateful for those people who obey the promptings they receive. They may not understand why they are to do this thing, but they indeed influence the lives of those around them for good. And I'm sure that most of the time they never get to see the other side of how they have blessed a life.

Travis and I broke up in February. We didn't talk from March 2 until May 28 of this year, when I finally picked up the phone to call him back. There was a lot of healing that needed to take place--on both ends I think. But apparently, for weeks near the end, Travis felt a need to call me--to gain some closure--to tell me some things that were on his mind. But he was too nervous. He knew me. He knew I would not receive him well. While there were many people that told him to give it up, that I didn't want to have anything to do with him, there was at least one person who encouraged him to talk to me--so that then, maybe, he would be able to sleep at night. Travis first called me on May 21st. I ignored him. I wasn't ready. He called again a week later, on Wednesday, May 28th--one week before his death. I ended up calling him back and we had a good conversation. I was less than friendly, but civil towards him.

The following Monday I got the call from Taylor saying he was gone. I wrote before that I knew that I was granted the opportunity to speak to him just one more time "from a loving Heavenly Father, who knew of things to come." And I am still so grateful for that last conversation we had. I'm sure the feelings of regret would have been multiplied far greater than I care to imagine had I not cleared things up with him.

In talking to Regan, the one who encouraged him to call, she said she wondered if encouraging him to call was really the right thing. She had wondered if that just made it harder for me. But before she and I ever started talking, she read my blog where I talked about that. She is one of those people that when the Spirit speaks, she obeys. I am so grateful for her willingness to help someone she never met to find closure with someone she never knew. She has been a small miracle for me.

Along with these two examples, the Lord has placed other people in my life to help me get through this. My Relief Society President in my old ward, Nikki, was able to be around for the first week for whatever I needed. And since then, I've had several long talks with her. She knows just what to say, and when to say it.

My sister, Emily, has been there for me to talk to on a daily basis. She will drop whatever she's doing to listen to me cry, or to tell her the latest news, or to chat about my violin practicing. (She's the one who's making me practice.) She is one who I can trust with any detail, and she won't betray that.

Elena has been there through it all. She never left my side that first week. She took all my calls for me. She kept me up-to-date on what was going on. And now, months later, she will still listen to me cry and listen to the what-ifs. I don't know how great of a perspective I would have on this if it weren't for her strong faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ--more specifically the Atonement and the Plan of Salvation.

Each of these people were put in my life for a specific purpose. Each of these people have effected my life in ways that some of them may never know. I am grateful for them and the charity they show to me; that charity being the pure love of Christ.

I have an older brother who suffered for me. While other people might try to tell me they understand, they don't. But He does. He has suffered through everything that I have and will come to suffer, and much more than I can even begin to fathom. He loves me. He knows me. He hears my prayers. And from the CES Broadcast tonight, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said "And when we weep, our Father in Heaven and the angels weep with us."

I know that these things are true. And I leave them with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

OKLAHOMA--Random Signs?

2008-09-07T02:23:00.004-07:00

Oklahoma had a lot of funny signs, especially in the smaller towns. Here are some that we took pictures of.

At the gas station in Arcadia where we asked for directions to the rodeo.

Across the street from the LDS chapel.

Don't they mean ethanol? Even though I know that, it's still pretty funny.

I thought tornados were free...

This was actually on a porta-potty. I have no idea...

OKLAHOMA (Part Three)

2008-09-07T01:42:00.011-07:00

Sunday

On Sunday we went to church with Regan’s parents. The church across the street had a funny sign, so of course I wanted to take a picture.

We went back to the house and Regan’s mom made crepes. They were delicious! I’d never had one before, so it was a new experience, therefore, I had to have a picture. I even tried a pb&j crepe. Spectacular! Oh, and to make our breakfast dining experience complete, we had frosted chocolate milk to wash everything down. Yum!

Regan drove me down to Sulpher, OK, where I used to live for a while ten years ago. It was about an hour and a half drive each way so we had plenty of time to talk. It was so worth it! We found my old school, my old house, and even stopped by the place where the town got its name—the sulpher springs, which has been turned into a fountain. And yes, it stinks. Really bad.

That night we had dinner with Regan’s family and friends. We hung out afterwards by sitting and talking. Regan played the piano for us with Blake, her adorable nephew. Some of us sang along.

Early Monday morning I headed back to Phoenix to get back to life. I had a great trip! I felt so welcomed by Regan and her family. It was a chance for me to get away, one that I’ve needed for so long. Hopefully I can go back and visit one day. Maybe by then Blake will have gotten over his crush on me. I’m not sure I’ll get over him though. I mean, look at him! Would you?

OKLAHOMA (Part Two)

2008-09-07T00:57:00.019-07:00

Saturday

Saturday we got to sleep in a bit, which was nice. We got ready fast though and went to Jamba Juice, the Apple Store to fix my computer, and then over to the Oklahoma City National Memorial. It was amazing! I had seen pictures before, but no photograph can depict the feeling that you get when you are there. It reverenced me as I walked on the grounds of the memorial. I had chills the entire time. It is one of the best put-together memorials I have ever seen.

I didn't know much about the story behind the bombing, so we went into the museum and I learned a lot there too. We spent a good two hours there! I learned a lot about "The Spirit of Oklahoma." Everyone there banded together after the bombing, similar to the reaction after 9/11. But the difference here is, the spirit of strength and unity has stayed in Oklahoma for more than 10 years after the terrible disaster. It's too bad that we cannot say the same for the rest of the country.

There is a chain link fence that was put up around the bombing site/clean up area. People from all over came to leave clothes, stuffed animals, letters, wreaths, etc., on the fence. Many of those items are now in the museum, while others have been archived. Part of this fence still stands as part of the memorial at the request of family members, survivors and rescue workers. People still put items on the fence.

We passed by a tour group where the guide was explaining all that. A man said that he had gone to Ground Zero in New York after 9/11 and they had a similar fence set up, but there they had a problem with people stealing things off of the fence. He asked if they had a similar problem here.

“No! No one here would even think of that! We’ve never had any problems with theft,” the guide explained. I mean, downtown OKC isn’t exactly a booming metropolis like NYC, but I think that is pretty impressive.

A local church put up a statue of Christ that I thought was pretty cool. Carved into the marble base are the words “And Jesus Wept.” Even if I do say so myself, the picture I took with the memorial in the background turned out pretty cool.

Next we went to “Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill.” I had quite possibly the best burger I’ve ever had in my life. We were

sitting outside and I looked across the canal. “That has got to be the biggest Sonic I’ve ever seen,” I said naively. Regan explained that that was Sonic Headquarters. I thought that was pretty cool, so I HAD to take a picture. After dinner we walked Bricktown. It just has a bunch of shops, clubs, and restaurants. That was really cool.

Now, for the crowning moment of my visit to Oklahoma… the rodeo. Regan found one we could go to in a town about 20 minutes away called Arcadia. It’s a small town, so we missed the turnoff initially. When we turned around, we saw the strangest thing. A big blue whale! Hahaha, totally random! I loved it. Again, HAD to have a picture.

So we pull up to this rodeo, pay the lady for our wristbands, then park in a field. It was complete chaos. Cars, trucks with trailers, and people on horses were everywhere. We began walking towards the arena. After awhile, we began to notice that all of the people on these horses we were seeing were black. I found that strange, seeing as rodeos seem to be primarily a red-neck sport. But when we got into the stadium, we realized that we had paid our $8 a piece to become the minority for the night. We were the ONLY white people there. And not only are we white, we’re both blonde-haired, blue-eyed white! We stuck out so bad!! It was well worth it though. We had a good time, and got a great story out of it.

After it started to get stormy at the rodeo, we went to this place called Pops right off of Historic Route 66. It’s this new gas station/restaurant/convenient store/tourist trap, and it’s amazing! It has over 500 flavors of bottled soda pop. We bought our soda, and I got a shirt. It’s so fun playing tourist :D

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A!! Oklahoma! OK!! (Part One)

2008-09-06T22:02:00.012-07:00

So it has taken me entirely too long to get this post together. I've promised it for Regan all week, but I have a problem. I am entirely too detailed. I want to include everything! And the pictures kept messing up! So now I've decided to include my trip in 3 different posts, so I'll go day by day.

Friday

So, I spent Labor Day weekend in Oklahoma. I needed to get away. So I did. And Oklahoma is every bit as random as it sounds. But, Regan was there, so why not?

I left Phoenix early Friday morning, our flight was late getting to Denver (because it rained the night before in Phoenix and we don’t know how to handle rain in Arizona), which meant I had to book it to the other side of the terminal to catch my connecting flight to Oklahoma City. I made it. I mean, I didn't receive a gold medal in Speed Walking in the Office Olympics for nothing.

The plane landed in Oklahoma City at around 12:30. I met up with Regan outside of security and we went to get my bag. She asked if I was hungry. "Yes. I want pancakes," I said. "You do realize that it's almost 1:00 here." Apparently Regan's not a fan of pancakes. But we ended up going to the International House of Pancakes anyway. Yay!

I was trying to figure out where our waiter was from... He looked Hispanic, but his accent didn't seem to fit. Plus he was speaking very softly, so it was hard to me to tell. He came back to check on us after we got our food and asked if we were sisters. We giggled, and said we weren't sisters, but I said "Well I'll take that as a compliment; she's cute huh?" The waiter agreed whole-heartedly. Regan and I talked for over an hour and then the waiter came to ask us to pay. We got up to leave and our waiter ended up being the one at the register as well--I don't think that was by accident. He asked me where Regan was from. I told him she was from here, then he turned to her and asked "Have you ever won Miss Oklahoma? You're very beautiful." We just kinda giggled and agreed that we would come back one day per his request. I think we may have lied though...

We went back to Regan's parents' house so I could drop off my bags. I ended up taking a nap for a bit though too since I had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep the night before. That night, Regan and I went with her sister and brother-in-law, Robyn and Donnie, to a new movie theatre in Moore. It was amazing! It had an old fashioned feel to it, and the seats were incredible. They must have been made of memory foam or something. It was a wonderful experience.

We were starting to get hungry again, so while we were trying to figure out a place to eat, we drove past a Braum's. I HAD to go to Braum's. When I lived in Sulphur, OK, ten years ago, two of my siblings worked there. It held so many memories that were dear to my heart. Everyone agreed to go. I was so excited! Braum's is your average fast food joint, but it's known for its ice cream. Donnie saw how excited I was to be there, so he surprised me with a Braum's mug that he purchased for me. He told me that if I freeze the mug, it's great for chocolate milk. I have tried it since, and he is right. Nothing can compare.

It's Raining. It's Pouring.

2008-08-25T22:45:00.004-07:00

I'm sitting here listening to the rain outside. It's awesome. I love the sound of the rain. But what I want to do most is go out and drive in it. But I know that that is potentially stupid, and Allyson would probably yell at me later if she found out that's what I did. So the next best thing is to curl up in front of the TV and watch a good movie, and cuddle with somebody, right? Well, Elena's gone, so I'm out of ideas.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "When it rains, it pours." In our social culture, it seems we like to use it a lot. And why wouldn't we? I mean, it's so versatile. You might be having a really hard time juggling all that life has handed to you. One thing after another might go wrong. An appropriate thing to say in that situation would be "When it rains it pours," as you throw your hands up in the air and leave your fate to be determined by a higher power. But then you simply work through it. And then after awhile, the skies clear up, and the sun seems to shine again.

But have you ever heard this same phrase that is used to depict a snowball of unfortunate occurrences be used in a different sense? Maybe one that has to do with relationships? A friend of mine asked me the other day if I thought it was okay for him to date more than one girl at a time. He explained to me his theory of precipitation in the realm of dating. How it usually works out for him is either a drought or monsoon season, if you will. There's never a light drizzle. Meaning that two or more girls are usually interested in him at the same time or none at all. So he said "When it rains it pours."

It's interesting to me that the same phrase can have such a terrible connotation in some instances, but without changing a single word, it can simply mean that you have more options to choose from. Some might consider this a blessing. Relationships are funny enough, but when you start throwing clichéd phrases like that around, it seriously makes me SOL (Snort Out Loud).

Do Something About It

2008-08-25T01:14:00.003-07:00

So I've gone back and forth about different decisions in my life. It's time to do something about it now. I can't sit and wish my life away. I can't control the decisions of others, although I would like to sometimes. I can't get Travis back. I can't make sure that Jodi gets convicted. I can't change the way the Lord is choosing to work in my life. I can't pick and choose the trials that I am called to bear. I can't tell Him, "This is too hard. This isn't what I signed up for." I can't give up.

I CAN, however, choose to be happy like I've talked about before. I can make a conscious effort to forgive. I can allow the Spirit to work in my life. I can pray to a loving Father who indeed IS in Heaven, and He WILL hear me. I can allow him to comfort me. I can choose to be open to the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, and allow Him to heal my broken heart. I can continue to grow and learn in this life, from whatever experiences I am granted. I can. And I will.

For too long I've been complacent. For too long I've allowed myself to wallow in self pity and regret. Travis is the only man I've ever loved, and I am, and will forever be, grateful for the experiences we've shared. I'm grateful for the memories. I'll never forget him. And it will still be hard, but I have to let go. At least to the point that I can align my own will with that of my Heavenly Father. He has given me everything. The only thing I can truly give is my will.

While other people have kept telling me that it was God's will that Travis be taken the way he was, or that it was his time to go, I've had a very hard time believing that. I wondered how could a supreme being that is supposed to have infinite love for His children could allow one of them to be taken in such a brutal manner? And not only that, how could He allow so many to be effected, causing so much pain? Wouldn't it have just been better if He had suspended Jodi's agency for a time? Oh let's say... starting last June when I met her for the first time until the day she dies?

But in speaking with my new Branch President, he said something that struck me in such a way as I had never really understood it before. "Heavenly Father is bound by Eternal Laws, just like we are." Of course He is. Right? Well why did it hit me so hard this week when Pres. Decker said that? I had been so caught up in wishing I could have Travis back--that we all could--that I forgot about what good has come of this. That's hard to say. What good comes from the murder of an innocent man? But let's take a look at what I alone have been blessed with:

I have felt the comforting strength of the Holy Ghost like never before.
I have gained a testimony of the Plan of Salvation.
I have realized how important every kind of relationship is. Life is too short to burn bridges.
And to piggy-back off of that, I have become friends with every ex-boyfriend from the past 2 years. That was not something I normally would have done.
I have gained a testimony and better understanding of the Relief Society.
I have realized how important a "Ward Family" is.
I have cherished long talks with close friends and family about life's struggles.
I have tried to be more understanding of others' hardships. You never know what someone else is going through.
My closest friends have become even closer.
I have grown a bit of a back bone.
I have made a new friend that somehow knows so much about me, and has been there for me like we've been close for years.
I have learned a lot about myself and how I react to different situations. (i.e. relationships, hardships, etc.)
I have gotten over my fear of crazy cyber-stalkers and decided to continue with this darn blog.
And most importantly, I have learned more about the Atonement in the past 2 1/2 months than I have in the past 20 years.

So because Heavenly Father allowed this to happen, I have grown in such a way that I couldn't have otherwise, or at least not as quickly. While if you asked me a few months from now if I could go back would I change it, I would say "Absolutely," I'm not sure how much I would actually change about it. Of course I wouldn't want Travis to be taken. I might even opt for Jodi to be popped instead. But who am I to decide the fate of the hundreds of people that have been effected by this? It's hard to say which way is better. Travis always talked about Opportunity Cost. He spoke of how his time could be used best, to benefit the maximum amount of people. I'm sure he wishes he could have done more while he was here, but I don't think he regrets leaving. He is doing something amazing up in the Spirit World. I know it. I can feel it. He is continuing to learn and progress. He's helping others to do the same. He is the same wonderful, creative, spontaneous, caring, gentle, driven, foe-paint-loving, show-tune-singing man that I fell in love with. He's still working hard up there.

I know it pains our Heavenly Father to see us hurt. He loves us. He wants us to have joy that will exceed our pain. But he also knows that all these trials shall be for our good. Even with Jodi. Somehow, she is going to have to learn that what she did was wrong. And it is not until then, and only then, that she can begin whatever repentance process that is granted for crazy people. I pray every day that I will have the strength to forgive her. It's still not fair. But one thing I've learned to focus on is that the Atonement makes all things fair--in the end. It's like they say, happily ever after doesn't come in this life. But I believe it will in the life to come, and not just in the fairy tale sense. Everything will be worked out. Justice AND Mercy will be fulfilled. I will see Travis again. I will see my Savior's face. I will live with my Father in Heaven. I know that it's true.

So now is when I must do something about it. I've got to ACT instead of REact. And this must begin with trusting in my Heavenly Father that He does indeed have a plan for me, and that Jesus Christ will help me to overcome my fears and weaknesses in order to realize that plan.

Only One

I've walked through sorrow 'til I could walk no more

I've felt the winds of change blow so hard It's chilled me to the core

And pain has knocked at my door

But I have never hurt like this before

Only One can take the pieces of my heart and make them whole

Only One can part the darkness and breathe light into my aching soul

One way. One light. One hope.

Only One.

I'll pick up the pieces, every little bit

I'll gather all of them, even ones that seem impossible to fix

And I'll place them all in His hands

What I cannot restore, He can

Only One can take the pieces of my heart and make them whole

Only One can part the darkness and breathe light into my aching soul.

One way. One light. One hope.

Only One.

-Hilary Weeks

Walk Away

2008-08-21T17:03:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I feel like the only way to truly express my feelings is through music. There's one song in particular that has been going through my mind as of late. Travis and I both love Ben Harper, so it's only fitting.

Walk Away

Oh no- here comes that sun again.

That means another day without you my friend.

And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.

And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.

But sometimes - sometimes,

you just have to walk away - walk away.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?

But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.

But sometimes - sometimes,

you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.

We've tried the goodbye so many days.

We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.

They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,

but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.

They say time will make all this go away,

but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.

And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down

And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.

But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.

You just walk away - walk away - walk away.

You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.

-Ben Harper

Second Chances

2008-08-13T00:50:00.003-07:00

If ever Travis was having a bad day, he thought that he could fix it simply by going back to sleep, no matter the time of day. His idea was that he could wake up and have a fresh start, a second chance to make things right.

But how often do we really get those second chances in life? When I lay awake at night wishing that I had said certain things, and told him how I felt, I realize that we don't always get another chance. And there's nothing I can do about it now--except move on. But how do you do that? How can you move on when everything reminds you of the person you lost? Someone you will never have another opportunity on this earth to speak to, to tell him how your day was, how your Sunday School lesson went, or where you traveled to recently.

I just don't know how to go about this... scripture study, prayer, and following the Spirit? Of course. I guess I just have to keep doing the things that I know are right. And then, eventually, I will wake up and be able to start fresh. Maybe I'll even get a second chance at love.

Celebrity Look-alikes?

2008-08-08T21:26:00.004-07:00

So I don't really see how this is accurate at all. Last time I checked, I was white... I think I will try this again with another picture...

Be Thankful for the Ordinary Days

2008-08-07T00:05:00.004-07:00

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. Just your average day really. I woke up after snoozing my alarm for half an hour, went to work, worked all day long, then came home. Elena and I did some long overdue shopping, and made some marvelous purchases. I suppose that was a bit outside of the norm. Neither of us had really gone shopping in over a year, so that was different. After shopping we went to a friend's birthday party. I've been to tons of those! This one wasn't much different. All of the expected people showed up. Music was played. Ice cream was served. Small talk was the main event.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but today has been a good day. I think it may be because I feel like I'm finally getting a grasp on my life again. I'm beginning to want to get back into the swing of things. School starts soon, so I know I have to prepare for that. No more sulking. No more sleepless nights filled with regret. While I know this whole grieving process is far from over, I need to remember to be thankful for the ordinary days that I am granted. People with very dramatic lives live on emotional roller coasters, and I want to be more stable than that. I need to go on living the way it was before all this happened. I'm the type of person that believes that happiness is a choice. So here I am. I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY! You hear that, World?

So today was a good day, and I'm currently in a cheery mood, unable to fall asleep. Just thought it was the ideal time to let the world of cyber-stalkers know that I'm gonna make it. I'll be okay! Good night everybody!

Live Like You Were Dying

2008-07-22T22:17:00.011-07:00

Many of you may be familiar with the country song "Live Like You Were Dying," made popular by Tim McGraw. For those of you who have yet to hear it, it's the story of a man who thought he had all the time in the world. Doctors discovered that something was wrong with his health and it limited his time left on this earth. At first the man was shocked and scared. When it finally began to sink in that "this might really be the real end" he decided to do all of the things that he'd been putting off for tomorrow. As he describes all of these things, he says that "Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying."

While it has wonderful musical clarity and is fun to see along to, there lies a deep message. How are each of us living our own lives? Are we doing everything in our power to wisely spend the limited time we have here? We never know when we will be called to return home to our Father in Heaven, and I'm sure that we wouldn't want to be ashamed when we meet Him face to face to try to explain away why we didn't magnify our talents, or build our relationships like we should have. I know that I don't want to be embarrassed about how much time I waste dinking around on Facebook instead of reading a good book. Much can be said for those who take time to learn a new skill as opposed to becoming a Guitar Hero. (What does that even mean? Like, who are you really saving anyway? C'mon.)

Since the death of an amazing influence in my life, I've been thinking a lot about this concept. You see, for Travis Alexander, the self-proclaimed theme for the Year of 2007 was to live like he was dying.

Travis hated country music, which tended to be a common argument over who got to control what we listened to in the car. (We had to adopt the standard "My car, my rules.") However, he told me about the first time he heard the song "Live Like You Were Dying." He said he was on his way to a PrePaid Legal event in Oklahoma. He was passing through several podunk towns on the outskirts of Oklahoma City and the only radio stations that would come in were country stations. "It's Oklahoma, what did I expect?" he'd say. He finally gave up when he realized he wasn't going to find anything else, so he left it alone. That was the first time he heard the song that he wanted to make his anthem. This coming from a guy who's life was a walking show-tune.

"I went sky diving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing,

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.

And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,

And I gave forgiveness I'd be denying."

And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance,

To live like you were dying."

In January of 2007, Travis went skydiving. Later that year he hiked in the Rocky Mountains. As the end of the year was approaching, it became more and more imperative that he find a bull to ride. The days were getting away from him. Finally it was New Year's Eve and we were together. I knew he was disappointed in himself for not conquering one of his biggest fears of riding a bull. But little did he know I had a surprise all lined up for him. I took him to the Wal-Mart in Apache Junction where they have a small mechanical bull that you can ride for 25 cents. And he made it--8 seconds!!

Another one of his goals, also from the song, was to "finally read the Good Book." He finished it that night before midnight. I can honestly say that Travis did "love deeper and spoke sweeter" the more I got to know him. He became a better individual by working on things that he knew would also better a relationship. In his Affirmation for 2008, which can be found on his blog at http://travisalexander.blogspot.com/, he writes "I will love and then love more, I will serve and then serve more, I will forgive and then forgive more." His Affirmation was something he read out loud to himself everyday, usually to music. This was a way of making his goals become reality.

Throughout the time I knew Travis, he was constantly trying to better himself. He considered mediocrity a sin. He refused to accept it from himself or from anyone else that was around him. He didn't care what kind of background you came from because he said that anyone had the potential to make of themselves whatever they put their mind to. He pushed us all to be better.

Even after his passing, I'm learning that every day we have to live on this earth is truly a gift. I have also found a lot of insight as I've read Alma 5 in The Book of Mormon during the past week. Am I doing all that I can do to grow as much as possible during the time I am granted here? Am I fulfilling my responsibilities at church? Am I being the best friend that I can be? Am I simply saying, "Call me if you need anything?" or am I really finding ways to serve my fellow man? Do I study as hard as I can for school, or do I just skate by with the minimum? Am I honest in every aspect of my life?

Though it's hard to say, I believe that at times of death we can find a renewed hope in the Plan of Salvation that our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ have outlined for us. While I find myself still wanting to be sad at times, I know that even this experience shall be for my good. As Joseph Smith said when speaking of his friend King Follett, who had recently passed away, "This has been a warning voice to us all to be sober and diligent and lay aside mirth, vanity and folly, and to be prepared to die tomorrow." (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church- Joseph Smith, pg. 176.) I will strive to do my best to return to live with my Heavenly Father. I can't get caught up in all of the unanswered questions that keep running through my mind. Travis has returned home, and I must remain worthy so that I can as well.

Travis, you've fought a good fight. You have finished your course. You have kept the faith. See you at the top.

Travis Victor Alexander

2008-07-06T23:02:00.001-07:00

I met Travis Victor Alexander two years ago in the Relief Society Room of the Desert Ridge Ward. He was taking out the trash, as usual. I don't remember this encounter, but he swore it was the first. To be honest, I don't remember ever seeing or talking to him until months later during the first ward camp-out I went on. He rode up in the same car as me and 5 other people, including my boyfriend at the time, Steve Bell, and my sister, Allyson. I remember the city of Mesa had elections coming up, and Travis was sporting his "Proud to be Republican" hat. He raised many issues during the drive, including one he felt very strongly about--Proposition 204. This proposition related to the "cruel and inhumane confinement of animals." A popular slogan against the proposition was "Prop. 204- It's Hogwash." Travis went off on a rampage about the character of the people fighting against it--how he'd explain what hogwash really was if given the opportunity to speak with them. Travis was always out to protect those that couldn't protect themselves, even if they were "just animals." This is just one of the things I learned early on that Travis was so passionate about.

In those 3 hours in that car with Travis, I also learned that he hated body hair. He referred to himself as a "Man-Scaper." He also thought hygiene was very important. He told us he brought extra toothbrushes because he knew at least one person would forget. He later told me that Becky Burden was the only person that admitted to forgetting hers, but he knew there were more. I learned that Travis LOVED to play the "Kevin Bacon Game," which I grew to hate. And during all that, he still found the time to make fun of me and Steve, saying that we were too mushy, and why didn't we just start making out already. I could not believe the nerve of this guy!

Still, months later, he really didn't mean much to me. He was just "the old guy in the ward." I knew he loved to wear his flashy suits, and he really liked to make me uncomfortable in large groups. He teased me mercilessly and made fun of the way I snort when I laugh. So anyone could see why I decided to steer clear of him for the most part.

After a certain roommate of his got evicted from the house and the ward, I began to talk to Travis a lot more, mostly just because my best friend, Elena, became pretty good friends with him. Elena and I would decide one Sunday that we wanted to make cookies. So we told Travis our idea and asked if we could use his house. We had many a Cookie Night at Travis' house. You'd think that after having so many that we might actually get better at it, or at least find a recipe we all liked. But every time, we went to MarthaStewart.com to find something new, and then end up burning at least the first 2 pans.

Along with the cookie parties, his home was open for anything and everything else. LaDonna threw a Hip-Hop Party there. While the rest of us dressed up like ghetto super-stars, Travis decided to go with the classy "Jay-Z, pimped-out fassion" as he called it. He even dressed little Napoleon up as the Bouncer. It was perfect.

Travis and I began dating sometime early in July 2007. I won't go into details of when we were dating, because that really doesn't matter anymore, but we dated until February 2008. I had tried to break up with him twice before, but he was always so good at winning me back. I loved him a lot, but I knew that we just weren't right for each other. I knew we couldn't remain close after the final break-up or else I would end up back with him. We didn't speak for months.

I finally picked up the phone on May 28, 2008, to call Travis back, after ignoring several calls in the past 2 weeks. Looking back, I am so grateful that I was able to talk to him! We talked for about 40 minutes and ended on good terms. I promised to try harder to make things less awkward. I know that I was granted that opportunity from a loving Heavenly Father, who knew of things to come.

I've often thought to myself, "Why didn't I ever say I was sorry? Why didn't I just let go of my pride and ask him to forgive me for anything I'd ever done to hurt him?" But then I just laugh--because I know just how it will go down. I'll get up to heaven one day and find Travis, give him a big, two-armed hug and say, "Travis, I'm sorry. Will you please forgive me?" And that's when he'll bust out with, "It's too late to 'pologize! It's too late!" (I'm pretty sure that song was stuck in his head from the moment he heard it until the day he died.) And then I'll slug him, and everything will be okay.

I've learned more from Travis than I ever thought possible, and even now that he's gone, I still keep learning--learning what it means to be a real friend, how to treat people with respect even

though you don't like them or want to be around them. And with each new piece of the story

that gets uncovered, I learn another lesson--like what being able to forgive really takes.

There's more I want to go into on those subjects, but this post is already far longer than I'd anticipated. (Not to mention it's taken me over a month to get my thoughts together.) There will be more to come.

I'm Back!

2008-07-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

Well folks, did ya miss me? Haha, most of you probably didn't even realize I was gone. (Or that I was even here to begin with.) And that's ok! I first caught onto the whole blogging thing in April, but hadn't really done much with it. That's where my first three posts were from. I hadn't written anything new in about a month when a friend of mine had pointed out that he liked what I had done so far, and that I should keep going with it. I deleted it that night. Stupid? Yes. But there's a lot more to that story that isn't important anymore. I've learned a lot since then, and I've finally been able to get my thoughts together.

1. If I want to write a blog, I should do it for me, and not worry about the critics and/or psychos who are reading it. (Thanks Aaron.)

2. Don't put off 'til tomorrow what can be done today.

3. Live in the moment, with the future in mind.

4. Always treat people with respect. AND

5. Everything happens for a reason.

Stay tuned until next time when I can finally pay tribute to my dear friend, Travis Victor Alexander.

The Most Influential Woman

2008-07-01T18:50:00.001-07:00

Growing up, I knew that I had great potential. I knew that I could become anything I wanted to. I also knew that in this day and age, a lot more is expected of women. In school I was often encouraged to admire women who had "done something with their life." In pursuing higher education, it is not uncommon to hear professors and students look down on a woman who has chosen to be a homemaker. "What about her role in society--in business?" a professor may ask. "What of the things I have sacrificed to make it a woman's world?" a feminist might say. I have heard many opinions with this viewpoint, and while I am extremely grateful for the huge strides taken by the "modern woman" in society, I find myself realizing more my own role in the world. This role is becoming more apparent through one woman--the most influential woman--in my life.

This woman married the man of her dreams at a young age. She dropped out of college because she soon became pregnant with their first child. Soon, another child came. And another. And another, until they had the family they'd always wanted. Early on, this couple had resolved that the best place for this woman would be in the home, rearing up healthy, happy children. Of course, with this decision came the realization that they had to go without some of the nicer things of the world. They had to sacrifice. But, the man had a good-paying job and they figured they could make it.

One Christmas, the children got together and raised enough money to buy their mother some nice, new dresses. She had gone without for so long that the children thought that it would be the perfect present! And yes, this woman was so grateful. But when all the toys were unwrapped and the festivities had concluded, this woman returned the new clothes to the store to get the money back. She then went to the grocery store to buy food for her little family. She had given up the thing that she wanted most for what she knew her family would really need.

Each day of her life she constantly puts others before herself. Always at home when the children walked through the door after another hard day at school. Always there to help with a science fair project that is due the next day. Always there to edit a paper that is also due the next day. Always there to talk late into the night just because her daughter needed

someone to vent to. Always there to call on the phone and talk for hours now that her daughters are all grown.

I hope to lead a life filled with as much charity as I have seen from my dear mother. Her Christ-like love to everyone she meets is amazing to me. She is truly an elect lady as she strives to emulate the life of our Savior.

SHE

She is not the picture in the magazine

She's the woman just behind you in the checkout stand

She may appear to be common but she mystifies

In all the ways the wisest men and children understand

'Cause she has eyes that sparkle with her love

And she has a smile that's as gentle as a dove

And no woman in a movie or an ad could ever hope to be

As beautiful as she

She is not a highly honored diplomat

Held responsible to lead the world to peace

But what she does is every bit as serious

It's the turmoil everywhere that will never cease

'Cause she has hands that wipe the tears away

And she has a voice that makes everything okay

And no woman from the papers or TV could ever hope to be

As indispensable as she

And it breaks my heart every time I see her wonder

If she means anything in this world that pulls her under

And she doesn't always see the way that Heaven smiles above her

That's the reason I try to always tell her that I love her

'Cause she may not be known for giving millions

To the charities and auctions on the news

But I believe she's given more than anyone

On all the times she's ever had to choose

To give up sleep

To rock her children every night

And give her heart

To always hold their dreams so tight

And the best that you or I could ever hope to be

Is as wonderful as she

-Cheri Call

Ask in Faith

2008-07-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

"I invite the Holy Ghost to assist us as we consider a principle that can help our prayers become more meaningful—the gospel principle of asking in faith.

"...The Prophet Joseph...explained that “faith is not only the principle of action, but of power also, in all intelligent beings, whether in heaven or on earth” (Lectures on Faith, 3). Thus, faith in Christ leads to righteous action, which increases our spiritual capacity and power. Understanding that faith is a principle of action and of power inspires us to exercise our moral agency in compliance with gospel truth, invites the redeeming and strengthening powers of the Savior’s Atonement into our lives, and enlarges the power within us whereby we are agents unto ourselves (see D&C 58:28).

"I long have been impressed with the truth that meaningful prayer requires both holy communication and consecrated work. Blessings require some effort on our part before we can obtain them, and prayer, as “a form of work, . . . is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings” (Bible Dictionary, “Prayer,” 753). We press forward and persevere in the consecrated work of prayer, after we say “amen,” by acting upon the things we have expressed to Heavenly Father.

"...Discerning and accepting the will of God in our lives are fundamental elements of asking in faith in meaningful prayer. However, simply saying the words “Thy will be done” is not enough. Each of us needs God’s help in surrendering our will to Him.

“Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other” (Bible Dictionary, “Prayer,” 752–53). Humble, earnest, and persistent prayer enables us to recognize and align ourselves with the will of our Heavenly Father. And in this the Savior provided the perfect example as He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, “saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. . . . And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly” (Luke 22:42, 44).

"...Prayer is a privilege and the soul’s sincere desire. We can move beyond routine and “checklist” prayers and engage in meaningful prayer as we appropriately ask in faith and act, as we patiently persevere through the trial of our faith, and as we humbly acknowledge and accept “not my will, but Thine, be done.”

"I witness the reality and divinity of our Eternal Father, of His Only Begotten Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and of the Holy Ghost. I testify that our Father hears and answers our prayers. May each of us strive with greater resolve to ask in faith and thereby make our prayers truly meaningful. I so pray in the sacred name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

Elder David A. Bednar

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

General Conference, April 2008

I testify that these words are true! Recently I have been trying to apply this in my life, and I have come to find out for myself that it works! Simply going through a checklist of things I should pray for had not been giving me the needed spiritual boost that I was desperately lacking. I've learned an important lesson as I've observed a 9 or 10-year-old nephew of a friend offer prayers on more than one occasion. This child's prayer is nothing but pure requests for blessings upon his family, friends, and the food we were about to eat. Anyone could just feel the faith emanating in the room from this small boy, this sweet spirit. This strong faith in prayers may have been something I'd been missing from my own.

There have been prayers that I have uttered where I have more or less been trying to convince my Heavenly Father why I should be able to do something, or why He should see something my way. It is not until I align my desires with what He has in mind for me that I can gain comfort in my decisions. I've had to learn that the hard way, but am grateful for the experience I've gained and what I have learned. I continue to learn of the love my Father in Heaven has for me each day as I kneel in prayer. I am especially grateful for days when I feel somewhat like President Abraham Lincoln when he said this: "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day." It is then that I am more willing to listen to the promptings of the spirit, and act after I have received those promptings.

I will close with words from our former prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley.

“This is my prayer for all of us—'Lord, increase our faith.' Increase our faith to bridge the chasms of uncertainty and doubt. . . . Grant us faith to look beyond the problems of the moment to the miracles of the future. . . . Give us faith to do what is right and let the consequence follow.”

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

So I'm Joining the Conversation

2008-07-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

"Make sure that the choices you make in the use of new media are choices that expand your mind, increase your opportunities, and feed your soul."

"That word conversation is important. There are conversations going on about the Church constantly. Those conversations will continue whether or not we choose to participate in them. But we cannot stand on the sidelines while others, including our critics, attempt to define what the Church teaches. While some conversations have audiences in the thousands or even millions, most are much, much smaller. But all conversations have an impact on those who participate in them. Perceptions of the Church are established one conversation at a time.

"The challenge is that there are too many people participating in conversation about the Church for our Church personnel to converse with and respond to individually. We cannot answer every question, satisfy every inquiry, and respond to every inaccuracy that exists. As I said at General Conference in October, we need to remember that there is a difference between interest and curiosity. Sometimes people just want to know what the Church is. And some who seek answers want them to come directly from a member of the Church, like each one of you. They appreciate one-on-one conversations.

"...May I ask that you join the conversation by participating on the Internet, particularly the New Media, to share the gospel and to explain in simple, clear terms the message of the Restoration."

-Excerpts from Elder M. Russell Ballard’s speech given at Brigham Young University-Hawaii’s graduation ceremony on 15 December 2007.